


Variables

by TheLostMaximoff



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-21
Updated: 2017-01-21
Packaged: 2018-09-18 21:37:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9403910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLostMaximoff/pseuds/TheLostMaximoff
Summary: Cisco could have been a lot of things, but the only thing that matters is that he’s with Caitlin.





	

Cisco Ramon can’t sleep. He lays awake and listens to the patter of the rain falling outside his apartment. His eyes shift to his side and he sees Caitlin sleeping soundly next to him, one of her arms lazily draped over his chest. His gaze returns to the ceiling and he simply lays there for fear of waking her if he moves. There are times when he swears that this is a dream. He swears that this is not real and he will wake up at any moment. He keeps reminding himself that it is real.

Cisco is very good at math. He knows all about averages and probabilities. Ever since he was a kid, he’s always had a gift when it comes to numbers. Numbers are easy, safe, and constant. Life is anything but those things, something Cisco knows too well. He sometimes wonders how he ended up this way. How many different variables go into making someone’s life what it is? He could have turned out so differently than he did. He’s seen plenty of vibes where that’s the case. He could have turned out like Dante, always in trouble and owing money to all the wrong people. There were certainly plenty of chances to take the same path and the constant praise his parents heaped onto his older brother was motivation enough to follow in those footsteps. He could have turned out like his brother but he didn’t. His head was always too full of numbers and design ideas for anything else to occupy its space. He was always too busy trying to escape into the world of whatever TV show or movie he was enamored with at that time.

Cisco looks at Caitlin again and wonders about the variables of her life. He’s never met her mother but he’s heard Caitlin talk about her enough. Caitlin could have ended up like her mother, hard and cold to the rest of the world. They both could have gotten a job somewhere else besides STAR Labs, Caitlin especially considering her familial connections. She could have turned out cold and condescending and he could have turned out arrogant and egotistical. He wonders why they didn’t. He wonders how the universe seemed to push them in a different direction. Cisco knows what happens when you go against the grain. He’s spent his entire life being labeled as different and weird all because he didn’t fit into a mold like everyone else did. The law of averages usually comes calling and, in the end, there’s a reason why they call people who are different “losers”.

He wonders if the universe always meant for them to be together. He knows that losers like him don’t end up with people like Caitlin. There’s no statistical evidence of this, of course, but he knows that the odds of it happening are almost impossible. These days though, their lives are defined by the impossible. His eyes drift down to the power inhibitor on Caitlin’s wrist and he thinks how things could be different. He thinks about how if he had waited a little longer before sealing off the Pipeline, Ronnie would be alive and Caitlin would be sleeping with him right now. He thinks about how normal she would be if Flashpoint never gave her powers. Would she still love him if she wasn’t so damaged? Would he still love her even if she turned into Killer Frost for good? He thinks there are too many variables in the equations of their lives, too many calculations that make it hard to see the outcomes. It’s driving him crazy and maybe that’s why he can’t sleep sometimes.

“What’re you thinking about?” asks Caitlin, her voice breaking up Cisco’s thoughts.

He turns his head and his gaze meets hers. He likes the small, intimate moments they have like this one. It makes his brain quiet and he can just be. He can stop worrying about the future or the past and focus on the present with her. All the different variables that made them turn out this way don’t matter when he looks into her eyes. The fact is that they’re here now and they’re together. The fact is that this is real and not a dream.

“How lucky I am,” he answers, his fingers locking together with hers. "How beautiful you are.“

"I love you, Cisco.” She knows it’s what he was going to say anyway and she sees no reason to wait on him to say it. "I guess that means I’m pretty lucky too.“

Cisco’s always had a head full of numbers. He always knows that the odds of he and Caitlin living long and happy lives together are small. Impossible is no longer a concrete term though. Life is full of variables, and no one can ever know how many things conspire to make people turn out the way they do. He never considered himself a gambler because that was his brother’s vice. Yet here he is defying the odds of the universe every day in every way imaginable. Maybe it’s not so impossible for him to be with a woman like Caitlin Snow. Maybe he just doesn’t give a damn if it is impossible because he’s going to keep doing it anyway.


End file.
